Sometimes introversion is a burden

I wish I liked spending time with people at all times. I wish I liked talking to or texting people every day, that I got energy from it and that it makes me happy. But it doesn’t. It drains every ounce of energy that I have, and leaves me feeling like a empty shell. A husk, if you will. People have always told me to keep people close at all times because that’s what makes you happy, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. I thrive in solitude, I grow when I’m alone and get to cater to my own feelings. Getting to plan my day just for me is a blessing, spending it however I wish. Being able to grocery shop without anyone really trying to talk to me helps me with having the best day ever. I wish people could understand that I don’t hate them, I just can’t handle staying in touch every single day. I don’t work like they do, I need space, and I will more than willing give them space in return. I wish I wasn’t like this, but that’s how it is. I wish I was different, but I can’t be. I don’t know how, at least.

Advertisements

Anxious

I’m almost always feeling anxious. Most of the time it’s because of other people, but this time about the surgery I’m having on Tuesday. I dislike having to fast because being anxious also makes me feel nauseous often so not having any food in my stomach wont help much. If only my surgery was in the wee hours of the morning instead of closer to noon. I don’t think I’m too nervous about the surgery itself since I’ll be asleep for all of it. I remember not feeling too great afterwards last time I had surgery but hopefully this time it will be better. After I’m done I can probably go back to my old diet too. I don’t even know what the purpose of this post is. I guess I just needed to talk about this. I wish I could stop feeling anxious. I wish we didn’t need food as often.

When you want to quit your diet

So over the past year I’ve pretty much been trying to only eat vegetarian and it has gone pretty well.. Until my doctor says I’m awfully malnourished, my metabolism is all out of whack, and that I either need to get some surgery to lose weight or try to do the keto diet. I don’t want to have any more surgeries so I chose keto, and MAN is it difficult. I can’t have bread, can’t have potatoes, or rice… Not even most fruits.. The keto flu sucks but luckily tea helps.. I can’t even have a teaspoon of sugar in my tea! I’ve had so many eggs that I feel like I’m 10% eggs now. I’m tired of my head feeling foggy and I don’t have too much energy yet. I’m a bit over two weeks in and I hope it gets easier soon. All I want to do is to eat bread forever.. Hopefully I’ll end up not wanting to eat bread ever again.

Have you done any sort of diet like keto or similar? How did you get through it? I think the worst part for me is the brain fog.. and cravings for savory snacks. I could probably make something but i don’t really know what.

What makes you want to read a book?

Image result for bioshock rapture gif

That’s something I have been thinking about a lot lately. After I finished playing through the Bioshock series over the past week, I was interested in learning more about the fictional city called Rapture and how it ended up on the bottom of the ocean. Luckily, there is a novel written where they talk about Rapture and how it came to be and I immediately purchased it online. In many ways, video games inspire me to read more. I’ve read most, if not all of the books related to the Dragon Age series, the books related to Metro, a book related to the Elder Scrolls series and so on. It must be the great world building that makes me interested in knowing more about it.

When it comes to other types of books, I usually go for fantasy or adventure type books, mostly because I love dreaming about other worlds and realities.. But I can also enjoy a good non fiction book. But what makes you choose a book? That’s what I’m really curious about. Do you choose specific genres? Or specific authors? Like maybe just female or maybe just male? Do you prefer fiction or non fiction? Please let me know because I’m really curious. Do you ever choose or judge a book based on it’s literal cover?

Why do people judge others based on music?

“Oh you listen to ______? That’s dumb.”

I’ve heard that and similar one too many times in my life. Why do people care? Music is supposed to be something you enjoy, something special to you. So what if not everyone shares your taste in music, is it really necessary to ridicule them? Music unites people, music works as therapy for some, while it’s a creative outlet for others. For me, whenever I feel like I’m close to an anxiety attack or a mental breakdown, I put on music that I know will calm me down and it helps so much every time. I have always been sensitive to loud noises and crowds of people talking so being able to put in a pair of earbuds and block it out is amazing. So what if I listen to kind of dark and gloomy indie music or rap one minute, and upbeat pop songs the next, it’s just what I want to listen to at that moment. I don’t care what others listen to, everyone decides their own happiness.

What do you think about people who judge others based on what they listen to?