I wish I liked spending time with people at all times. I wish I liked talking to or texting people every day, that I got energy from it and that it makes me happy. But it doesn’t. It drains every ounce of energy that I have, and leaves me feeling like a empty shell. A husk, if you will. People have always told me to keep people close at all times because that’s what makes you happy, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. I thrive in solitude, I grow when I’m alone and get to cater to my own feelings. Getting to plan my day just for me is a blessing, spending it however I wish. Being able to grocery shop without anyone really trying to talk to me helps me with having the best day ever. I wish people could understand that I don’t hate them, I just can’t handle staying in touch every single day. I don’t work like they do, I need space, and I will more than willing give them space in return. I wish I wasn’t like this, but that’s how it is. I wish I was different, but I can’t be. I don’t know how, at least.
I’m almost always feeling anxious. Most of the time it’s because of other people, but this time about the surgery I’m having on Tuesday. I dislike having to fast because being anxious also makes me feel nauseous often so not having any food in my stomach wont help much. If only my surgery was in the wee hours of the morning instead of closer to noon. I don’t think I’m too nervous about the surgery itself since I’ll be asleep for all of it. I remember not feeling too great afterwards last time I had surgery but hopefully this time it will be better. After I’m done I can probably go back to my old diet too. I don’t even know what the purpose of this post is. I guess I just needed to talk about this. I wish I could stop feeling anxious. I wish we didn’t need food as often.