Anxious

I’m almost always feeling anxious. Most of the time it’s because of other people, but this time about the surgery I’m having on Tuesday. I dislike having to fast because being anxious also makes me feel nauseous often so not having any food in my stomach wont help much. If only my surgery was in the wee hours of the morning instead of closer to noon. I don’t think I’m too nervous about the surgery itself since I’ll be asleep for all of it. I remember not feeling too great afterwards last time I had surgery but hopefully this time it will be better. After I’m done I can probably go back to my old diet too. I don’t even know what the purpose of this post is. I guess I just needed to talk about this. I wish I could stop feeling anxious. I wish we didn’t need food as often.

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What makes you want to read a book?

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That’s something I have been thinking about a lot lately. After I finished playing through the Bioshock series over the past week, I was interested in learning more about the fictional city called Rapture and how it ended up on the bottom of the ocean. Luckily, there is a novel written where they talk about Rapture and how it came to be and I immediately purchased it online. In many ways, video games inspire me to read more. I’ve read most, if not all of the books related to the Dragon Age series, the books related to Metro, a book related to the Elder Scrolls series and so on. It must be the great world building that makes me interested in knowing more about it.

When it comes to other types of books, I usually go for fantasy or adventure type books, mostly because I love dreaming about other worlds and realities.. But I can also enjoy a good non fiction book. But what makes you choose a book? That’s what I’m really curious about. Do you choose specific genres? Or specific authors? Like maybe just female or maybe just male? Do you prefer fiction or non fiction? Please let me know because I’m really curious. Do you ever choose or judge a book based on it’s literal cover?

Why do people judge others based on music?

“Oh you listen to ______? That’s dumb.”

I’ve heard that and similar one too many times in my life. Why do people care? Music is supposed to be something you enjoy, something special to you. So what if not everyone shares your taste in music, is it really necessary to ridicule them? Music unites people, music works as therapy for some, while it’s a creative outlet for others. For me, whenever I feel like I’m close to an anxiety attack or a mental breakdown, I put on music that I know will calm me down and it helps so much every time. I have always been sensitive to loud noises and crowds of people talking so being able to put in a pair of earbuds and block it out is amazing. So what if I listen to kind of dark and gloomy indie music or rap one minute, and upbeat pop songs the next, it’s just what I want to listen to at that moment. I don’t care what others listen to, everyone decides their own happiness.

What do you think about people who judge others based on what they listen to?

I’m kinda happy spring is here?

Spring, to me, is either lovely days full of rain or sunny days filled with pollen. As soon as I go outside, my eyes start itching and my nose runs and it’s just awful at times. But I do enjoy the sunshine. Rainy days are when I can freely move outside without pollen affecting me but then I can’t go barefoot, and I can’t sit in the grass and play with my cats or anything.

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What I do love to do when it rains though is to bake, or play video games if I can find one interesting enough.. Over the past week I’ve finished three games, I mentioned them in my April summary post. I’ll probably go a few days before I’ll be in the mood to play again.

I also try to read a lot because listening to the rain when I read is the most soothing and calming thing there is. I could probably just find the rainymood website to get some ambient raining sounds but nothing beats the real deal.

If I’m not in the mood to read, I often end up cleaning. I don’t know why but cleaning is almost like therapy to me because it feels so nice afterwards. Like the home is clean, my soul is soothed and I can just relax with a clean conscience. I know not everyone likes to clean but I would definitely recommend you to try sometime. And don’t just save every chore for a free Sunday afternoon. Did you know it feels more rewarding to finish cleaning on a Friday and then have the whole weekend free to do what you want? It took me too long to figure that one out.

Oh well, didn’t mean for this to turn into a rant about cleaning when I meant to just talk about spring. I don’t really know why I wanted to talk about it either, I guess I’m trying out new things! “New” blog, new me, isn’t that what they say?